Call the Cops, Mishelle!

June 7, 2007 - 1 Comment by Mishelle - Secret Agent Mama

Growing up my dad would have me call auto parts store to see if they had various parts. It usually ended with me getting flustered and hanging up or handing the phone to my mom. I always hated doing that.. Invariably, I’d hear, “Mishelle, call the….” and I’d go running.

Well, lately he’s doing it again.. Only this time it’s to call the cops for various reasons.

Tonight he wanted me to call b/c the neighbor, two houses over, is burning bushes again. He claims worry for the house catching fire but I know it’s b/c the ashes will make a mess in the pool and my mom will be cleaning it all day tomorrow and Saturday. So, when he called me asking to “call the cops to find out if it was legal”, I called the local volunteer fire company. At least i fucking called someone!

Last week the kids next door were riding their ATV.

“Mishelle, call the cops to see if that’s legal”

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I called. It’s legal. I told him. He huffed.

“Mishelle, call again and tell them they are being reckless.”

“NO TATO.. YOU CALL!”

“What if they flip and it hits one of the kids?”

[I turn to kids] “When they are out, you DO NOT go in the yard”

“Better?”

“No, why should we live like prisoners b/c they have to be reckless…sonofabitch!”

“NADA, CALL THE COPS! THE KIDS ON THE MOPED ARE BEING RECKLESS”

“Tato, it’s not a moped”

“I don’t give a shit what it is. This is reeeeeeediculous”

[Mikey] “Dedo, they have rights too”

“Rights-shmights”

My mom comes out, “What if they hit the pool?”

I Look at her with those “WHAT THE EFF MA?” eyes!

OMG, now you seeeee what I deal with and what I have dealt with all my life.. Call the Auto Zone.. Call the Cops.. Call Ghostbusters.. I’m gonna fucking call someone…someone to bring me a fucking straight jacket so I can be taken away so I NEVER HAVE TO CALL ANYWHERE!!!