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September 17, 2007 - 1 Comment by Mishelle - Secret Agent Mama

September 17 – Bar Humor

I’m an only child to immigrant parents. I’m an only GIRL child to immigrant parents. This somehow entitled me to being found “dead in a ditch, raped, stabbed, and/or maimed”, if I ever went to the [big, bad, scary] city. Even when I was accepted to a college in the city, my parents forbade me to stay in the city to play. It was school and home and nothing in between. Little did they know…

So, I promptly got a fake ID like most other college freshman. I remember this scrawny little guy that made them. He lived in a beer infested (and cockroach infested) apartment and charged, like, ten bucks so that he could alter your license.

Once I got my license altered I made up an elaborate lie about spending the night at Christine’s house (whom I wasn’t even really friends with anymore, but they didn’t know that) and off we went to the bars on Elmwood. There was a group of four girls and we did shot, after shot, after shot. I thought they were really cool since they were in test tubes. I guess that’s why I kept doing them. That, and the fact that they were fruity. Who doesn’t like fruity shots in test tubes? COME ON?! In about 3.1 seconds I was drunk as a skunk. My face was bright red and I was feeling a little ill. Rebecka urged me to go out side with her, so that I could get some fresh air, and we did.

The bar that we were at had these bubbly windows and all I remember doing was standing there looking in at all the people dancing. A few guys gathered at the window and were pointing at me. At that precise moment I proceeded to barf on the windows and myself. I yelled, “WHAT? YOU NEVER SAW A GIRL PUKE ON WINDOWS BEFORE. FUCK YOU!”

Next thing I know, I’m in a Denny’s eating dry-as-all-hell toast and being force fed water. This was my first and last experience “bar-hopping”. The next time I would go to the bar I would stick with one drink and then switch to Coke. The time after that, I decided to just hang out with some friends and smoke marijuana. Pot never made me sick the way fruity test tubes did. BLECH.

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If you could enter a racehorse in the Kentucky Derby, what would you name your horse?

>> Cafe Au Lait (that’s a given)

What famous person, whom many people find attractive, is most unappealing to you?

>>Jennifer MANiston!

Which foreign country are you least interested in visiting?

>> China (I don’t need to visit it since everything is effin’ made there already.)