Sunday Scribbling: Walk
S U N D A Y S C R I B B L I N G
I chose a poem I wrote back in the late 90′s for this prompt, and revised it a smidge.
(located behind the cut)
A Walk Down Magazine Street
Whistling to himself as he walks,
He studies each building with precise care.
Old age has brought some appreciation and
Hardly any despair.
She walks not too far behind him.
Her eyes wander as she draws in foreign smells.
Her lips are sucked in around her smooth gums;
She has been lost for some time now.
From them generations have evolved,
Their lives have been filled completely.
They walk down the dirty and busy road as
The elderly gentleman draws his arms behind his back.
He gazes at the tallest building he can find.
Then, at the road up ahead, he sighs.
He’s seen this countless times,
And now he wants to rest his eyes upon something different.
She looks around confused,
Watching for signals from her domain.
She’s trying to remember,
And wishing she understood.
(It was a work in progress. On that I might finish someday.)
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20 Responses to “Sunday Scribbling: Walk”
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Old age has brought some appreciation and
Hardly any despair.
Reflection on a life well-lived. I really like that.
this reminds me of an elderly couple i used to wait on,, she was way far gone with alzheimers,, and he would take her everywhere and she would just trail along with him,, so confused,, yet so trusting…it was so touching… i will never forget that….
I immediately felt sympathy for the characters in this
Thanks for visiting my blog!
Gluten Free??…yes very expensive, I’m one person but the food bill is same as a family!
Sometimes I eat cheap, lots of bean soup… My only child daughter moved out a few months ago. She was a big baby too, so it is asymptomatic to what people usually look for…30% are overweight due to malabsorption…food cravings intense…starving and overeating at same time.
Now back to your poem…very poignant. Reminded me of my aunt who has alzeimer’s. This was my post about the Mak Picnic…
http://www.transformedbywords.com/2007/10/meet-macedonians.html
alex
(the Mak’s call me Sandy…)
villages: Smurdesh, Kastoria
This elderly black couple lived next to us. He was so filled with history, and she was very unaware of anything (due to what he called Dementia, but I believe it was Alzheimer’s). I loved it when he’d catch me outside. We’d converse for a while, every time.
Sandy, I figured the MKs call you “Sandy”.. LOL
Off to see your post. :D
Am I missing something [not a poetry buff] as it already looks finished to me.
Cheers
I don’t know, I just feel it’s not finished. It might be, though. LOL I’m considering adding to it, and then again, not. *shrug*
Lovely writing, I like how they have no regrets or sadness. But the end of the poem confuses me because they seem lost, and that’s not a good way to go out heh.
See, Julie, that’s how I feel too. I don’t know if I’ll ever revise. Only time will tell.
From them generations have evolved,
Their lives have been filled completely.
I like this, simply put but says so much.
This is so good and so sad. I happen to be hanging out at my mom’s house as she recovers from surgery. I’ve left the kids behind, so I’m already sad. She’s doing great. I see her as the old man. She’s my living history.
Very moving, and being 60, it spoke to me in a familiar tone.
I love the poem, Mishelle. With just a few words, you have helped me form a picture of the old couple in my mind, as if I too had met and conversed with them. Alzheimers is so sad. A person robbed of her memories, and of understanding her context in life.
This is really wonderful.
I can see them and understand them. Their history and their present, come alive through your words.
Thank you everyone for the feedback on this poem. I’ve thought about it and I’m going to leave it as it is. I wrote it long ago, that I’m not connected immediately to it, and I believe I should just leave it as it is. :)
I’m glad you decided to call it done – it’s not a good idea to mess with perfection! :) I think this is a fine poem!
Ah the wisdom and experience that comes with age is amazing indeed…this was really beautiful, loved all of it.
Hey you! I love poetry…I am also the “feedback guy” and since you posted this perhaps in hopes for some critical feedback I will lend my take.
I try to lose as many extra words as possible to see if I can be a poignant with my poetry and I applied this technique with your last stanza, ahem:
Original:
She looks around confused,
Watching for signals from her domain.
She’s trying to remember,
And wishing she understood
Now here is a Joeprah revision:
She’s confused,
Looking for a signal.
She’s trying to remember,
Which direction to go.
Ok, it is not a whole lot different, but I love the power of less words and confused and signal are great together, the last line I reinvented as I did not think it worked completely. Hmmm, I am a nerd. Holy crap! Anyways, just a little feedback from a horrid writer.
Joe, you are not a horrid writer. I like your version, too. Isn’ t that’s why we love poetry so muc…it’s so evocative of emotions!
Phew! I also like changing the last line to:
Where to go.
I am done now…sigh