Lessons in Forgiveness
A while back, at the beginning of November, I questioned what to do with a friendship. The friendship extended through the whole family. The mom and I were pretty good friends. The kids considered each other ‘best friends’, even. Upon our moving back the kids and I felt that things were different. There were many instances where my daughter’s feelings were hurt, and things just seemed to get worse, not better. The daughter said some rude things about Olivia and myself, and I decided to just let the friendship fizzle out. I even posted a guest post at Cate’s Marbles and Monkey’s blog.
I listened as my phone rang and my friend’s name popped up on the caller screen. I muted the calls. I ignored the calls. I acted rather immaturely, if I do say so. Because, in all honesty, I’m not someone who ignores issues. I’m a talker. I talk things to death. Ask Michael, he’ll tell you. I don’t know why I tried to sweep this situation under the rug?
The calls kept coming and I kept ignoring. Until this past Sunday I got a voice mail from the husband of my friend, the father of the kids’ friends. It was a stern call, one that evoked a response. One of the calls was an invitation to a birthday party for the boy that calls Benny his best friend. You can imaging how horrified I was at my ignorance of the situation.
I still didn’t call, rather I emailed. In the email I stated that it was best we call it a break in friendship, since my daughter was wounded by their daughter’s words and actions. I apologized for not talking and I apologized for missing the party. However, the response I got back was quite unexpected. I was left feeling like a piece of shit for my innapropriate handling of it all.
I talked to Michael about it and I came to the conclusion that I was going to talk to the kids to gauge their feelings; then I would make a decision.
Upon talking to them I realized that they are willing to forgive what happened and the few things that hurt their feelings. They said that they wanted to give their friendships a chance. They said that people make mistakes and that they would want the chance to make things right if it was their mistake. They showed me that I have done my job, and produced forgiving beings.
Now I have to make the call. I’ve been waiting for a time where it’s quiet, though I haven’t seized that opportunity yet. I will call, and if I don’t get the chance today, I am definitely calling tomorrow. I will apologize for ignoring the calls, for any hurt that may have caused, and for missing the birthday party. At that point, I’ll ask if we can come over and see how and where things go from there.
In retrospect I realize that people make mistakes. I realize that we are not all alike. Our differences make us who we are, and they enrich us. Who am I to criticize a person or their children for any kind of behavior. After all, I believe we are all living in some form of a glass house. I mean, isn’t it about me teaching my kids to be respectable, honorable, righteous persons? Yes, it is. It’ s my job to say, “Honey, if your feelings are hurt, you need to talk about it.” For if they are your friend, they will understand. Sadly, I lost sight of this information. Information that I know I had.
I don’t know what will happen from here. Maybe the friendship will go unscathed and flourish. Maybe not. I’m willing to give it a chance. I’m glad I have a forgiving nature. I’m glad I’ve passed it on to my children.
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15 Responses to “Lessons in Forgiveness”
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I wish you the best of luck with the call and the future of the friendships. I have been in a similar situation…and sadly there forever remained a silent strain on the relationship.
Let us know how it goes.
I was thinking the same as written above. I hope this situation turns out differently.
I do hope so. I’ve reevaluated things and realize that I was being stubborn with my feelings. People are not perfect. Kids are not perfect. If the friendship was meant to be, it will survive and go on.
What a great post. Valuable lessons for all of us.
Cheers
Good luck with the friendship M. Sometimes it certainly is difficult to repair hurts. I’m glad you are willing to forgive.
Avoidance is an easy task.Facing things head on is tough and says a lot of postive things about your character.To admit you may have been wrong is quite admirable.I am guilty of avoidance and the feeling in the pit of your stomache doesn’t go away….
It’s not going to be easy, I know it’s not. I made the mistake of being ignorant. It’s very much outside of my character. I should not have ignored the problem and I feel stupid for doing so. Live and learn, though. We all are prone to making mistakes.
Oh my. I wish you all the best. I don’t know that I could go through with it, but that is probably more of a gender problem than anything. :)
Kudos to your kids as well. It is easy to see why you are so proud of them.
It’s amazing what kids can teach us. Let us know how the call goes.
We could all learn a lot from your children. :) Best of luck with your friendship!
You are setting a great example for your kids to be so understanding and forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes, even you might ;)
Keep up the good work.
Good for you Mishi. I am proud of the way you are handling this…and it’s good for your children to see you learning from your mistakes as well. You’ve done well–let us know how it turns out.
-HH
Ugh. So hard. How did it go?
I called and it went very well. We’ll be seeing them next Tuesday. :D
“Our differences make us who we are, and they enrich us.”
Beautiful and SPOT ON. I’m glad you finally called, love. One can never have too many friends, you know?