Worst Fear
You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. This couldn’t ring louder today.
Early this morning, when I logged in to my computer, I went to the sites that I visit without fail. One of them is a bulletin board where many of the bonds that have been formed have been formed for over a decade. We’ve gone through a lot at that board. From births to bulletin board drama to accidents and tragedies; it’s run the full gamut of life events.
This morning I logged in to learn that the husband of one of the members died in a car accident. Last night she had posted for prayers as he hadn’t come home from work and she couldn’t find him. One of her friends from the board, found her number, called her, and found out what happened. It was the worst fear we have as wives; her husband would not be coming home that night, or at all.
I grapple with this often, I do. My husband has a high risk job, and I think about what would happen if the God-forsaken were to come. I think we all confront these thoughts, at one time or another, though. I’m sure this woman did, too, but then again I’m safely assuming she didn’t think it could or would happen.
Where do you go on from when and if it does happen? How could you possibly even climb into bed? How could you look at [his] clothes hanging in the closet? How could you ever make his favorite dinner? How could you breath?
I don’t know that I’d find the strength to endure what she’s going through right now, what so many others before her have endured. I think that I would curl up into a ball, cry, kick, scream and ultimately wither; I don’t want to even think about it, that’s how much it hurts. It’s a tragic part of life. To live we must understand that there is death and sadness. To live we must embrace that all things come to an end. To live we must respire, no matter how much pain is involved.
Thoughts of why the world is filled with such sadness are a constant. Why do innocent children get sick? Why do people lose their loved ones, untimely? Why do people fight each other, physically and mentally? Why isn’t everyone hopeful? Why is there abuse? Why is there hate? Why is there anything that causes such pain? If there’s a God, why would he do all of this to us?
Maybe there’s a plan, maybe there’s not? One thing is for certain: I don’t want to ever let go of the hope that all things happen for a reason. I want to believe that [God] knows this plan, and that despite the hurt, sorrow, and sadness, there is goodness, strength, and prosperity. If I didn’t believe that, I might as well curl up in that ball right now.
I still can’t help but think of her and her children. The pain they must be feeling. The uncertainty. The sadness. It seems like too much to even envelope, so all we can do is pray…
This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 at 9:10 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any comments to this post through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
How absolutely awful. I cannot even imagine…
I try not to let those thoughts creep into my head. It scares me. My sister lost her husband 2 years ago and her two year old daughter 10 years ago…both to cancer. Why??? I still ask myself that question. It was difficult, but she moved on. She told me to had to…for her other children. It’s trying times that your true strengths shine. Prayer is the answer…
Reply
I agree with Marie. I’ll gmail you later and tell you a couple of stories of inspiration.
Reply
I play it out … who would call me … how would I find out … how would I tell his parents … but I can only play it out in a very superficial way … like watching a movie through my fingers …
may your friend get a touch of peace from all of you helping carry this.
Reply
So very tragic. I watched a good friend leave behind a wife and two babies due to cancer, and if it could break my heart so profoundly, I knew that I would never be able to understand the scope of pain felt by my way too young to be a widow friend but that I could just be there to hold her hand, freely admitting that I was truly speechless. A few years later (as of literally just a couple days ago, actually), she is such a strong woman with beautiful children who carry on the legacy of a father one will remember a little and the other not at all. While she’d obviously choose having her husband over her newfound strength, she’s come so far that I do hope she finally believes that she really will be OK because she’s strong enough. I wish the same for her precious babies and for your friend. People are capable of shining through even the most incredible pain, even though I agree that, well, it just doesn’t seem at all fair sometimes. My thoughts are with your friend, and I do believe that good wishes and prayers all count somehow.
Reply
Lots of prayers for her and her family. I am saddened by her loss. :(
Reply
that is such a tragic story. my husband is a mechanic and drives all. the. time. from one end of the state to the other. if he doesnt answer his cell phone, i do have moments of panic.
i have been through the death of a spouse, but he was on his way to being an ex-spouse. my feelings were different, but the children suffer just the same.
Reply
and i just realized how incoherent that sounded. ex-husband. current husband. sorry
Reply
Wow. Some way to start the new year.
A couple years back, when my father in law passed away suddenly, it was all my mother in law could do to get up in the morning… and there were days when even that wasn’t going to happen. I hope your friend has a good support system to help her through the time.
It just drives the point home to savor the time we have with our families. Life is so fragile.
Reply
I do not know how I could cope with out my wife…today is her birthday and I think I appreciate her everyday, but today will be special.
Reply
I honestly don’t know how some people endure what they do – how they keep breathing. Your poor friend – I hope you will all ease her pain with your support.
Reply
Tradegy like this makes you step back and see all that you have at home.. to hold tight because you never know when it will be taken from you.
I will be saying prayers for their family..
Reply
“Sometimes bad things happen to good people.”
That is, by far, one of the hardest lessons to learn in this life. My thoughts are with your friend and her family, love.
Reply
We have had so much tragedy in our family that I can completely feel for the family. It’s horrifying to be in that place. The only good that can come of it is to learn to live each and every day to its fullest. Live for today.
Reply
This scares me constantly and if my anxiety is in control my imagination can run wild…I will add your friend to my prayers.
Reply
Mishelle, like you, my husband works a dangerous job. I worry about him constantly.
I am so sorry for what that family is going through.
Reply
Heartbreaking. Absolutely heartbreaking.
Reply
Chills, Everywhere.. Up and down.
Oh the pain, the tragedy.
A prayer of peace and strength being said for them. Wow.
That is one of my greatest fears, too.
Reply
plan or no plan…the thought of something like that happening…it takes my breath away…
i don’t think that i would be able to handle that loss…not this guy!!
how horrible. my heart breaks for that woman and their family!!
take care…
Reply
I am so sorry for your friend, am empathizing with her, and sending loving, caring thoughts her way. May the Lord comfort her and provide for her in this desperately unhappy time.
Reply
Sad. And when it happens to somebody you know and love, even more sad.
Hang in there and keep ya head up, girl.
Reply
Despite my present cynicism I could not imagine the pain she must be in. That’s so awful…
Reply