Reflections
There are days when I get all reflective and start to think about the past, and how it’s affected the future. I start to think about all the highs and lows that my heart has hit in life. I think about that one afternoon in a computer lab, and how it changed so much. I reminisce about my wedding day, and about those four days where from my loins came perfect children. How, together with Michael, we came to the decision to not vaccinate, and home school our children. I start to think about friends that I have lost, gained, and maintained. And then thoughts turn to my family. Not Michael and the kids, rather my parents, and grandparents, cousins, and countless relatives that I don’t even know really. These are the days where I look in the mirror and see the reflection of my thirty-three year old self, and I wonder, “how did I get here?” I guess I got here by going through all of it, and more.
It’s easy to fantasize about a different life. Where would I be if I wasn’t in that computer lab that one day? What if I never married? What if I never took risks? What would a different life be like? These are questions that I cannot answer. It’s not within my realm to know. You just never know. What I know is now, though. Now is the only constant. I know that right now I am where I am because of where I have already been. None of it is perfect, and it shouldn’t be; it can’t be.
I don’t know where all this is coming from, other than at times I start to reflect. I start to think about life; my life. Refections are good, though. Without the looking glass we can’t see ourselves, all that we’ve been, all that we are, and all that we can potentially be.
/philosophy
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10 Responses to “Reflections”
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I am extremely introspective, so I reflect a tremendous amount. My mind is pretty fantastical too, which gets me in trouble because it’s hard for me to be satisfied. :(
Loved this blog.
I think perhaps you and I are thinking along the same lines lately…..
Excellent blog sweetie!!
~Q
I am ALWAYS wondering what if. It’s hard to get past it because I’ve been so gosh darn down about everything lately. I’m a Gemini and a dreamer and the combo is hardcore. Beautifully written, as uusal.
Thoughtful post, Mishi! So right about needing that looking glass.
What an exisquite little post. I really loved it Mishi, really.
Captivating – thought-provoking. I am embarassed sometimes how much I look back at my life. But I also know that my “right now” would never be as incredible as it is without the paths I chose back then as crappy as some of them were.
So many people don’t take the time to reflect so it’s so important that you do! I too sometimes look at my 36 year old life and wonder …………
Great post. I too think a lot. The “what ifs” are the worst. But they do make you think.
About 1.5 years ago… I said to the husband, “What if we had third child. We need to discuss this NOW instead of thinking about the what if when we are 50.” She is the best WHAT IF ever.
Aw, man. I didn’t want to have to THINK today.
So, is being reflective an aspect of metacognition?
Reflecting on why we are the way we are can be difficult, even painful, but can be very good for us, too. I think back to harrowing experiences I wouldn’t wish on anyone, and yet those painful times are part and parcel of the person I am today, and perhaps part of the reason I’m careful to do what’s best for others.
It would be fun to just jabber with you sometime. In the meantime, I’ll just read what you have to say. :)