These are two subjects that I am quite versed in. Sleep. and. Teeth.

Why? Well, that’s easy, I’m a mother. I know these things; I’ve dealt with sleep issues, getting baby to sleep, lack of sleep, teething, cleaning of teeth, natural loss of teeth, extraction of teeth, etc, etc, etc…

Sleep

Now I lay me down to take my sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep; If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

I really don’t even want to talk about Davey’s sleep issues. They are getting better, and some nights all it takes is a booty pat and a good old-fashioned shushing. My dad thought, up until just recently, that when I shushed the babies that I was literally shushing them. Saying “shut up”, so-to-speak. I explained to him that the sound I was making was mimicking the sounds the baby heard in the womb. He had his a-ha moment. Then he asked if I would “shush” him, but I told him that it only works if your mom does it for you.

Surely the other kids had their sleep issues. I have just conveniently forgotten about them. Maybe that’s [God's] way of allowing a mother to have more children. Conveniently her mind is erased of all the sleep woes or issues.

Actually, I do remember having to lie down with both Mikey and Benny until they fell asleep, though. That was always fun. Often times I would fall asleep. Hours later Michael would wake me up to go to our bed. I’d be royally pissed because my falling asleep meant that I missed “that” show or just missed some of my favorite computer-time-without-interruption-with-music.

Teeth

Only brush the teeth you want to keep!

Let’s see. I have four kids. That’s a whole lot of teeth stories to share.

What kid doesn’t love to lose teeth? With the promise of the Tooth Fairy coming and leaving some money. Money that can be accumulated to buy a Bionicle, or stuffed animal, or something, because God-forbid we actually save that money. Not to mention that upon telling a grandparent about the loss of a tooth, you get more money to get the goods quicker. Cha-ching!

I remember how each child lost their first tooth. Mikey’s had to be pulled by using a fine thread. Livey yanked hers out, all on her own. And, Benny, well, he wasn’t so lucky.

We were at our Chinadive in Buffalo. For months we’d raved about it to Michael, and finally we had a chance to go with him. My mom was there with us, too. Everything was going smoothly and everyone had their plate of goodness.

Benny was sitting across from me and next to Michael, and was only eating a Chinese donut because of his loose very loose tooth. When suddenly he cried out, “Mama! Mama!”

“What Benny? What’s wrong?”

“My..uh…my…uh… Mama! Oh my! My….tooth!”

“Where is it, baby?”

“I think I. I think I. I think I….swallowed it.”

His face went completely white at that realization. I looked at Michael, then my mom, then Benny who was starting to go limp. I got up, grabbed him, and saw up close just how clammy and white-as-a-sheet-of-paper he was. I tried to catch what was about to happen, in my hands, but instead my actions made it worse. He proceeded to vomit all over! Who knew that one little kid could house such puke. It went everywhere. On the floor. On the chair. On the window. On Michael.

I remember how Michael closed his eyes in horror, and how it was–seemingly–in slow-motion. The other two kids just looked away. My mom had a sad, sympathetic, oh-my-poor-grandson look on her face, and I was just flabbergasted. I was hugely pregnant and smells could easily trigger the same thing from me. I did my very best not to smell anything. It would have been like that scene in Stand By Me when Lard Ass pukes, thus inciting a puking riot. I would not let that happen.

In the seconds after Benny threw up, Michael turned to my mom and flatly said, “Is. it. on. my. hat?”

That question will forever be burned in my brain. I didn’t know whether to laugh out loud or shriek in horror.

Michael got Benny to the bathroom and cleaned up, as much as possible. My mom and I cleaned up our little corner of the restaurant, and we proceeded to eat. We’re moms and nothing’s gonna keep us from our crab rangoon and peanut chicken, yo!

There are too many teeth stories to share:

Loose Teeth Lost

Holding on for Dear Life at the Dentist

Extracting Teeth and Fear

So many stories to keep writing. So little time.

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