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When Silly Monkeys Attack!

Posted on June 10, 2008 by Mishi | 22 Comments

The year was 2001. I had three children, all under the age of three. Nap time was my saving grace. The mornings were appropriately chaotic, and that nap time lingered in my mind. What would I do? Laundry? Call a friend? Visit the message boards? Read a book? Whatever it was, it was going to be done in peace and quiet.

One day in particular, I decided I was going to start a book that I had borrowed from a friend. It had been eons since I’d read a book, and why not start a good habit. The kids went down for nap, like clock-work, I grabbed my book, and assumed the reading position on the couch. It didn’t take long for the book to fall to the floor and the sawing of logs to begin.

I woke up to Olivia’s call, “Mama! Maaaaaaaaama!”

Everything was blurry so I searched quickly for my glasses. They were at my side and not hard to find. I put them on and as soon as I did I was looking through green lenses. I glanced at my hands. Green hands. I looked down at my legs. Green legs. There were green lines drawn all over my body. I looked through the hallway and spotted the culprit. My little girl, two-and-a-half years old, holding a green Sharpie, with a shit-eating grin on her face.

“Hi Mama!”

I looked around and saw lines drawn on the toy box, the TV screen, the front door, and the wall. This little girl got up, came downstairs, grabbed the marker, and proceeded to have a doodling affair. I didn’t yell, didn’t freak, didn’t ask her why, because I knew I was to blame. I left the Sharpie well within reach. She was just doing what kids do.

I quickly researched how to get Sharpie off of things like doors, walls, tv screens, lenses, etc.. Then it hit me. I had to pee. Really bad. So, I ran to the bathroom. When I sat down I began laughing. I saw my toes and on each toenail was a green scribble. Livey stood at the door, “I draw on Mama!”

“I know, honey,” I giggled. I finished my deed, got up and stood in front of the mirror. I wasn’t prepared to see what I saw, but when I did I shrieked in horror. Not only did she draw on my glasses, arms, hands, legs, and toenails, she got my face, too. I was a mess. A big green Sharpie mess!

Instinctively I grabbed my camera to start taking pictures of my body, but the batteries were drained. I didn’t have any to replace, either, so I picked up my phone. I knew my dad was on his way home from work.

“Tato, you have to stop by here on your way home!”

“Why, Mishi?”

“Trust me! You just do!”

About a half hour later I greeted my dad at the door. My body still adorned with a two-and-a-half year olds scribblings, I smiled. He burst out laughing.

“You need to take some pictures,” he assessed.

“I can’t. I don’t have any batteries. That’s why you are here. You are going to be the only person to see this, but you will also be the person who will testify to seeing me in this state!”

We laughed some more and as I was scrubbing my face—which took days to be rid of the green—I looked over to the door. Livey was standing there and she said, “I draw! I draw on Mama!”

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 10th, 2008 at 3:34 pm and is filed under Silly Monkeys. You can follow any comments to this post through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

22 Comments to “When Silly Monkeys Attack!”

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