Photo inspired by this post.

At the end of 2007, on the eve of a year change, I had only one resolution.  That was to be true to myself always.  I’m sure I succeeded. And uncertain, at the same time.    There’s always that self doubt. There’s always questioning of one self.  There’s always something to make you think that you failed.  There’s always so much more that can be said and done.  There’s always time.  But it’s slipping away.

At the end of 2008, on the eve of another year change, I have only one resolution.  That is to be true to myself always.  I’m sure I will succeed. And uncertain, at the same time.   I doubt myself.  I question myself.  I often think I have failed.  I have so much to say and do.  There’s time.   And the time is now.

Be they successes or fails, I have done much this year.  I have rediscovered what it means to look at something, to feel emotions, and put it into words.  Sometimes I feel sharpened, other times I feel softened; that’s the power of words, of thoughts, of emotion, of hardening, of healing, of pain.    There’s always so much to be said for reflection.

This past year I have felt confidence. I’ve been recognized and the acknowledgments received have helped me continue on my path.

This past year I have been honored. Every single compliment has been accepted and appreciated.

This past year I have forged new and exciting friendships. Both near and far, I know that I have people that I can always turn to, lean on, and console in.

This past year I have fed my soul. Through photos and words I have created art. I have left my mark, revealing my feelings about life, love, happiness, sadness, and life-in-general.

This past year I have a new found determination. I am willing to learn and grow from mistakes.  I am stronger for it.

This past year I have won.

This past year I have lost.

This past year I have wished.

This past year I have dreamed.

This past year I have accomplished.

This past year I have loved.

This past year I have breathed.

This past year I have been grateful.

Truly.

From our family to yours we wish you prosperity, good health,
happiness, and ever-lasting love in 2009 and always…

Like the delicate flower
With sheer petals
A lone withering stem
She is crumpled

Space void of fragrance
As a wilted bouquet
Longing for rejuvenation
She dreams redolently

Stretching to feel warmth
Bending to obtain more
Every bit a struggle
And it breaks her heart

-Mishelle O. Lane
12/29/08

While perusing the local candy store, with Michael, during one of our Christmas shopping excursions I experienced a bit of childhood nostalgia.

“Look at these, Michael!  I’m getting these for the kids’ stockings!” I excitedly exclaimed as I held up three boxes of bubble gum cigarettes.

I have a distinct memory of going to the five-and-dime and buying all sorts of candy, these being one of them.   We’d sit around our fort chomping on the candy versions as well as blowing the smoke out of the bubble gum ones.   Most of our parents smoked and we said we’d never do the real ones, but we still thought there was some glamour to it.  I think deep down we all just wanted to be like Mommy and Daddy.

The kids had no idea what they were when they found them in their stockings.

“Oh look, I have Lucky gum.”

“I have Victory candy!”

“Well mine have a cowboy on them.”

“But, guys, do you know what they are?”

“They’re candy, Mama.”

“Well, look at them!”

Then they all started to pose with their “smokes” and we all had some good laughs.    The big laugh was when Benny sang, “I’m a joker, I’m a smoker, I’m a midnight toger.”   (There is even video of this!)

After I showed Michael the picture of Benny, on my camera, he said something about how that picture could have been taken in Macedonia.   Then yesterday Olivia told me that she noticed something funny about her Lucky Lights .

“Mama, these cig’rets are made in Macedonia!”

“Really?!”

And sure enough.  They were.

These are going to become regulars, along with matchbox cars, in the kids’ stockings.   However, if I ever find out that this was their gateway to the real deal I will definitely bust some noggins.  Believe that!

Dear Davey,

Today you turned two.  You have been with us for twenty-four months now and what a blessing this time has been.    It’s hard to think back to a time before you, because you have enriched our lives so much.  Every single member of this family is better because of you.   Down to the dogs.  We have all been blessed.

You are extremely precocious for your age.  You know every letter of the alphabet.  You love to talk about shapes.  You are constantly flipping through a book.  You know what sounds animals make.   You still love anything that moves, like planes, trains, and automobiles.  It’s all so adorable and I really don’t remember any of “The Bigs” being this smart at this age. Although,  I think that’s because I’m quite forgetful now; thank God for this blog.

The most adorable thing to me, lately, is your “love songs”.

I say, “sing me the Papa song.”

You sweetly reply, “Papa. Papa. I love you. I love you. I love Papa.  I love Papa. Yes I do!”

Justly we have Papa to thank for this song.  He sang it to you for so long that it has become your signature.  Now we can ask you to sing any song and you do it.  I’m partial to the Mama Song.   Please don’t stop singing these, your love songs, they are so very you.

That being said . . . .

You are becoming such a little boy. You are amazing. You are a bright ray. You shine ever so intensely. You are incredible. You are two. And WE love YOU!

Last Year’s Birthday Post