A switch gets flipped and I lose it.  I melt down.  And circuits break.   I hate this about myself.   I hate that I am not perfectly patient.  I hate that, without warning, something can turn me over and break me.  Why is the emotion of anger so hard to have a handle on?

To add insult to injury I want to smile, but I can’t.  I want to say it’s OK, it’ll be OK and just start over.   I want to breathe, but I feel too embarrassed so I just hold my breath.   If only it were as simple as an exhale.  If only there was a rewind.  Maybe I am just a mess of crossed wires and shorted fuses.  Simply stated, though, I want to just reach in and pull out all the strange guts.  Then maybe nothing will be able to flip, get crossed, feel broken.  Then maybe I will be able to exhale.  Maybe then I’ll be able to breathe.

For now acknowledgment will have to do.   I was wrong and I let my emotions take over.  I forgot to step back and my voice boomed with anger.   I yelled and I hate that I yell.   I’m sorry and I hope that I am forgiven.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 19th, 2009 at 12:24 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any comments to this post through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.