A Package For Me?
“Mama got a package!” Mikey exclaimed.
“A package for me? Who from?” I asked.
“Uhhhh… I don’t know this name,” he replied as he handed me the small box.
I looked at it, extremely perplexed.
Naturally, I tweeted it out:
I didn’t stop there. I was chatting, on Skype, with Lotus, and this was the conversation that took place:
[11:32:15 AM] Mishi: ok, i got a package and i don’t know who it’s from and the return address is from someone named Hion Won?
[11:32:25 AM] Lotus: ITS A BOMB
[11:32:32 AM] Lotus: snort
[11:32:37 AM] Mishi: I KNOW
[11:32:39 AM] Mishi: what if it is?
[11:32:43 AM] Lotus: Oh, god.
[11:32:50 AM] Mishi: should I open it?
[11:32:56 AM] Lotus: Ok, now I’m scared!
[11:33:07 AM] Lotus: Can you Google the address and name, maybe?
[11:33:16 AM] Lotus: See what comes up?
[11:33:24 AM] Mishi: let me see.. i put it back outside
[11:33:25 AM] Mishi: LOL
[11:33:29 AM] Lotus: hah
[11:33:32 AM] Lotus: i love you
[11:33:41 AM] Mishi: ANTHRAX?
[11:33:45 AM] Mishi: BOMB?!
[11:33:48 AM] Mishi: it’s heavyish
[11:34:22 AM] Lotus: OMFG
[11:34:25 AM] Lotus: GOOGLE HION
[11:34:37 AM] Lotus: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hion
Then I clicked the link.
Hion (tv.v.) hioned, hioning, hiones 1. To make confusing through cryptic wording 2. To cause to be unable to think with clarity or act with intelligence of understanding, see also: throw off 3. To confuse or befuddle, especially with numerous conflicting situations, objects, or statements. See also, puzzle.
(OMGWTFBBQ!! Someone is trying to kill me!)
[11:35:50 AM] Lotus: That scares me. Especially paired with the word “won”
[11:35:57 AM] Mishi: it’s actually Haion Won
[11:36:01 AM] Mishi: missed the a
[11:36:04 AM] Lotus: BIG SIGH
[11:36:06 AM] Mishi: lol
[11:36:11 AM] Lotus: God, did you read the thing I linked?
[11:36:14 AM] Lotus: I mean, SERIOUSLY
[11:36:20 AM] Lotus: that would have been insane
[11:36:23 AM] Lotus: cryptic!
[11:36:25 AM] Lotus: ayeee
[11:37:28 AM] Mishi: http://www.alibaba.com/member/haionwon/contactinfo.html
[11:37:53 AM] Lotus: Is that the address on the box?
[11:38:22 AM] Mishi: yes
[11:38:43 AM] Lotus: http://www.northjersey.com/news/92385814_Fair_teaches_residents_about_being_green.html
[11:38:50 AM] Lotus: This is about him and there’s a photo even.
[11:39:07 AM] Lotus: Well, it’s about a green fair, but he’s in there.
[11:39:27 AM] Lotus: His company: http://www.tradekey.com/profile_view/uid/1836820/Dansa-LLC.htm
[11:39:51 AM] Mishi: yes, just got there
[11:39:54 AM] Mishi: so, I should popen?
[11:40:32 AM] Lotus: Yeah, it’s probably some product
[11:40:47 AM] Lotus: Make Michael do it
[11:40:49 AM] Lotus: LMAO
[11:40:54 AM] Lotus: Go in the other room while he opens it
[11:40:54 AM] Lotus: rofl
[11:41:02 AM] Lotus: Just kidding
[11:41:33 AM] Lotus: They make bidet seats
[11:41:39 AM] Lotus: MAYBE YOU GOT A ASS CLEANER
[11:41:41 AM] Lotus: LMFAO
[11:41:47 AM] Lotus: You better answer me soon
[11:41:51 AM] Lotus: So I know you didn’t blow up.
[11:42:31 AM] Lotus: OMG SAY SOMETHING
[11:44:47 AM] Lotus: Dude. Please say something.
At this point I got a text from her (while I was, ahem, in the bathroom.)
Lotus Carroll: Are you okay ?!?!
me: LOL…sorry, had to poop.
Lotus Carroll: WHEW
me: Might still die….lol
Lotus Carroll: I was getting freaked out, yo!
me, having returned to my laptop: I see that. Going to open.
Lotus Carroll: Ok
me, having gone outside to open the scary box: no bomb or anthrax
[11:50:24 AM] Mishi: LOL!
[11:50:31 AM] Mishi: sorry i fucked with you head
[11:52:06 AM] Lotus: sorry I wigged out
[11:52:15 AM] Lotus: it was too weird that you suddenly weren’t typing anything
[12:16:04 PM] Mishi: LOL!
[12:16:13 PM] Mishi: I loved it. Can I use it for my blog post?
[12:17:32 PM] Mishi: b/c I freaked out a bit, too.
[12:17:53 PM] Mishi: like I was so scared to open. I cut the tape and started throwing the box to see if it would explode
[12:19:46 PM] Lotus: LMFAO I LOVE YOU
[12:19:49 PM] Lotus: Yes, you can
[12:19:52 PM] Lotus: What is it!??
[12:20:39 PM] Mishi: it’s disposable sink strainers
[12:20:43 PM] Mishi: Eco friendly ones
[12:23:54 PM] Lotus: hahaha I saw those online
[12:23:55 PM] Lotus: cool
[12:24:02 PM] Lotus: ZOMG SINK STRAINERS OF DOOM
[12:27:20 PM] Mishi: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
+++++
So, yeah, I have eco friendly sink strainers. I wish they’d sent me an ass cleaner, like Lotus suggested they might, instead!
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7 Responses to “A Package For Me?”
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First few minutes I was like “Just chill out, Lotus, she’s fine, there was no bomb, she is just busy with something.”
Then time ticked on and I was all “OH FUCK YOU TOLD HER TO OPEN THE PACKAGE AND NOW SHE’S DEAD AND AND AND WAHHHHHH!!!!!”
Holy hell, I need to be on meds.
Oh reading this was a great big ole bag of fun.
Thanks for the giggle at your close to life ending expense.
Hahahahahaha. Hahahaha. And hahahaha. You crack me up.
Seriously, I was dying last night when I read this. Because I got like the same exact package and just opened it up….Insert big {snicker} here.
I’m so glad you didn’t blow up.
bwahaaaaaaa