Archive for Month: October, 2010
A Package For Me?
“Mama got a package!” Mikey exclaimed.
“A package for me? Who from?” I asked.
“Uhhhh… I don’t know this name,” he replied as he handed me the small box.
I looked at it, extremely perplexed.
Naturally, I tweeted it out:
I didn’t stop there. I was chatting, on Skype, with Lotus, and this was the conversation that took place:
[11:32:15 AM] Mishi: ok, i got a package and i don’t know who it’s from and the return address is from someone named Hion Won?
[11:32:25 AM] Lotus: ITS A BOMB
[11:32:32 AM] Lotus: snort
[11:32:37 AM] Mishi: I KNOW
[11:32:39 AM] Mishi: what if it is?
[11:32:43 AM] Lotus: Oh, god.
[11:32:50 AM] Mishi: should I open it?
[11:32:56 AM] Lotus: Ok, now I’m scared!
[11:33:07 AM] Lotus: Can you Google the address and name, maybe?
[11:33:16 AM] Lotus: See what comes up?
[11:33:24 AM] Mishi: let me see.. i put it back outside
[11:33:25 AM] Mishi: LOL
[11:33:29 AM] Lotus: hah
[11:33:32 AM] Lotus: i love you
[11:33:41 AM] Mishi: ANTHRAX?
[11:33:45 AM] Mishi: BOMB?!
[11:33:48 AM] Mishi: it’s heavyish
[11:34:22 AM] Lotus: OMFG
[11:34:25 AM] Lotus: GOOGLE HION
[11:34:37 AM] Lotus: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hion
Then I clicked the link.
Hion (tv.v.) hioned, hioning, hiones 1. To make confusing through cryptic wording 2. To cause to be unable to think with clarity or act with intelligence of understanding, see also: throw off 3. To confuse or befuddle, especially with numerous conflicting situations, objects, or statements. See also, puzzle.
(OMGWTFBBQ!! Someone is trying to kill me!)
[11:35:50 AM] Lotus: That scares me. Especially paired with the word “won”
[11:35:57 AM] Mishi: it’s actually Haion Won
[11:36:01 AM] Mishi: missed the a
[11:36:04 AM] Lotus: BIG SIGH
[11:36:06 AM] Mishi: lol
[11:36:11 AM] Lotus: God, did you read the thing I linked?
[11:36:14 AM] Lotus: I mean, SERIOUSLY
[11:36:20 AM] Lotus: that would have been insane
[11:36:23 AM] Lotus: cryptic!
[11:36:25 AM] Lotus: ayeee
[11:37:28 AM] Mishi: http://www.alibaba.com/member/haionwon/contactinfo.html
[11:37:53 AM] Lotus: Is that the address on the box?
[11:38:22 AM] Mishi: yes
[11:38:43 AM] Lotus: http://www.northjersey.com/news/92385814_Fair_teaches_residents_about_being_green.html
[11:38:50 AM] Lotus: This is about him and there’s a photo even.
[11:39:07 AM] Lotus: Well, it’s about a green fair, but he’s in there.
[11:39:27 AM] Lotus: His company: http://www.tradekey.com/profile_view/uid/1836820/Dansa-LLC.htm
[11:39:51 AM] Mishi: yes, just got there
[11:39:54 AM] Mishi: so, I should popen?
[11:40:32 AM] Lotus: Yeah, it’s probably some product
[11:40:47 AM] Lotus: Make Michael do it
[11:40:49 AM] Lotus: LMAO
[11:40:54 AM] Lotus: Go in the other room while he opens it
[11:40:54 AM] Lotus: rofl
[11:41:02 AM] Lotus: Just kidding
[11:41:33 AM] Lotus: They make bidet seats
[11:41:39 AM] Lotus: MAYBE YOU GOT A ASS CLEANER
[11:41:41 AM] Lotus: LMFAO
[11:41:47 AM] Lotus: You better answer me soon
[11:41:51 AM] Lotus: So I know you didn’t blow up.
[11:42:31 AM] Lotus: OMG SAY SOMETHING
[11:44:47 AM] Lotus: Dude. Please say something.
At this point I got a text from her (while I was, ahem, in the bathroom.)
Lotus Carroll: Are you okay ?!?!
me: LOL…sorry, had to poop.
Lotus Carroll: WHEW
me: Might still die….lol
Lotus Carroll: I was getting freaked out, yo!
me, having returned to my laptop: I see that. Going to open.
Lotus Carroll: Ok
me, having gone outside to open the scary box: no bomb or anthrax
[11:50:24 AM] Mishi: LOL!
[11:50:31 AM] Mishi: sorry i fucked with you head
[11:52:06 AM] Lotus: sorry I wigged out
[11:52:15 AM] Lotus: it was too weird that you suddenly weren’t typing anything
[12:16:04 PM] Mishi: LOL!
[12:16:13 PM] Mishi: I loved it. Can I use it for my blog post?
[12:17:32 PM] Mishi: b/c I freaked out a bit, too.
[12:17:53 PM] Mishi: like I was so scared to open. I cut the tape and started throwing the box to see if it would explode
[12:19:46 PM] Lotus: LMFAO I LOVE YOU
[12:19:49 PM] Lotus: Yes, you can
[12:19:52 PM] Lotus: What is it!??
[12:20:39 PM] Mishi: it’s disposable sink strainers
[12:20:43 PM] Mishi: Eco friendly ones
[12:23:54 PM] Lotus: hahaha I saw those online
[12:23:55 PM] Lotus: cool
[12:24:02 PM] Lotus: ZOMG SINK STRAINERS OF DOOM
[12:27:20 PM] Mishi: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
+++++
So, yeah, I have eco friendly sink strainers. I wish they’d sent me an ass cleaner, like Lotus suggested they might, instead!
Lane Kids: Attempt One
This year I’m starting early. Why? Well, because it takes me about a million and forty seven* attempts to get the “it” picture of all four of my kids. For years I’ve said that I can get anyone else’s kids to look and smile, but when it comes to my own….forget about it!
Yesterday while the kids were playing outside–on the most beautiful of beautiful fall days—I thought to myself, “Self, if this picture comes out on the first attempt, you’ve come a long way, and maybe, just maybe, your Christmas cards will actually go out a couple weeks BEFORE Christmas .”
I didn’t care about the army shirt that Mikey’s wearing (one of three of the same type that I did, in fact, hide in the back of his closet.) I didn’t care about the Hebrew National shirt that Benjamin wears so much that people probably think that they poor thing only has that one stinking shirt. I didn’t care that Livey’s hair was not brushed, and I certainly didn’t care that David was still in his pajamas**.
I mean, wouldn’t it be awesome to send a down-to-earth type of photo of the kids?
I’ll be chronicling my attempts again, just like last year and the year before. I know that perfect shot is right around the corner. Stay tuned…
*where a million and forty seven equals three
**I have an INABILITY to spell correctly in Photoshop. Deal.
Flipped
What did I do before I had these tools of expression? What did I look forward to creating before I composed simple shots that have brought me such joy? On those long days where did I escape to when there was really no place to go? I wish I knew what filled my head back then.
I do know that there wasn’t much of a challenge. The camera at the portrait studio was mounted to a wall, and other than learning portraiture and how to cut film I didn’t know much more than what I learned in that glorious (and way too short) photography class in high school. Later, the two cameras that I owned weren’t anything where settings could be changed. I don’t even think I would have cared to.
But, now? Oh glorious knowledge I devour you as I learn something new with every click.
Erica and Dusty {Part III}
Shooting the wedding was an absolute blast. I could share all 600+ images here, but instead you can see all the rest on Flickr!
My wishes for Erica and Dusty….
A lifetime of longing looks into each others’ eyes.
A lifetime of holding each other in love.
A lifetime of smiles and promise.
A lifetime filled with joy.
F**K Dust
Growing up, I was a latch-key kid. I’d come home from school on weekdays, fool around*, watch a little of General Hospital, and then I’d warm up the food left for my me and my father. Too, on Saturdays both of my parents worked and my only responsibilities were to vacuum and dust. I hated dusting. Mainly because in the late 80′s/early 90′s my mother was a veritable chatchki queen. The reason being: during these years whenever anyone had a bridal shower they would give out some sort of ceramic figurine (usually of birds) as the favor. For some unknown reason my mother felt obligated to keep and display those cheap D&K pieces of junk. That is until my father got sick of them and forced asked her [not so] kindly to get rid of them by hoarding the into a box and sticking them into the abyss (also known as the shoe closet, or the photo album closet, or the small tool closet, or the scrap pieces of carpet closet, or the you-name-it-it’s-in-there-closet.)
I would always—and I mean always—wait until the last possible minute to actually complete this chore. There were way more important things to do, like, eat seven bowls of cereal while watching Saturday morning television which always included Saved by the Bell, talk to my cousin Pauline on my rainbow, see through Swatch phone, put on “Talent Shows for No One” using old vinyl records like the Grease soundtrack, Pink Floyd, or Donna Summer, or practice making out with “Zack Morris” on the back of my hand. Dusting and vacuuming could wait, dammit.
These days dusting and vacuuming is still a major thorn in my side. I can’t help that I’m busy and have a bazillion kids to school, a photography business to run, meals to cook along with shopping excursions to procure my weekly groceries, sweat producing exercises to partake in, writing assignments, and, yes, even a husband to please sexually. Who’s got time for dusting and vacuuming with all that shit? Not me, that’s for sure.
That’s not to say that there aren’t times when I don’t get all neurotic and clean the house from top to bottom. It’s just not happening on more than a bi-monthly basis. Quite frankly, if I didn’t have older kids to help me with chores I would probably be one of those stories on the news about the filthy house with decaying bodies and excrement on the walls. Yes, I’m exaggerating. Only a little. I mean, I have a life to live. And, life, in my opinion, is too short to worry about dust, and dog hair, and boogers, and fingernails. Oh come on, I know you have kids who pick and flick, too. Don’t even try to deny it!
In closing, I’ve got one thing to say:
*fooling around usually involved stealing cigarettes from my mom and talking on the phone about boys, and Madonna, and whatnot…
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