Archive for Month: October, 2011
“Yes, I am the Warrior…”
“WHEN I AM GRATEFUL I EMIT POSITIVE VIBRATIONS WHICH EFFECT A REALIGNMENT OF EMOTIONS IN YOU AND IN CREATION. THIS IN TURN WILL AWAKEN EVEN MORE GRATITUDE WITHIN ME.” — PIUS THEKEMURY
I am grateful for my laughter. The way I can let out a belly laugh without worry of snorting. I laugh when I want to laugh, and only at what I choose to laugh at; this ability to laugh is at the top of my list because I aim to laugh with others, at myself, and daily.
I am grateful for my family. Every member is so different and provides me with different remedies.
I am grateful for my voice. For the music that is my music, the songs that house lyrics that make up the soundtrack of my life.
I am grateful for my ability to forgive. Without forgiveness we are nothing. Forgiveness can free you from so much.
I am grateful for my photography. The bent light that allows me to see my world, absorb it on a tangible level, to devour any time I see fit.
I am grateful for my strong legs. They have carried me at my lightest, my heaviest, and everywhere in between.. They have allowed me to dance to clarinets and drums in old leather shoes made by hand; they have bled and scarred, and they still manage to be perfect; they have found themselves in postures of stregnth and balance, inching deeper, stretching thoroughly, knowing they will go farther—do more—all the while honoring my warrior spirit.
What are you grateful for?
On Laundry
When we got married my grandparents gave us money to buy a washer and dryer. I don’t know why I was so excited at the prospect of having my own, but I was; even though we waited till we bought our first house to buy this laundry set. That was in 2000, and I am so relieved that they have lasted this long. Michael had to replace the belt on the washer, but that’s it. I think we’re lucky because do you know how much laundry we do in a week’s time.
A. LOT.
I swear we do one or two (maybe more) loads daily. That’s a lot of washing and drying. And, let me just take a moment to acknowledge Mikey and Livey and all they do in the way of the laundry chore. We would surely not have many clean clothes to wear, and if we did we’d probably have to search through piles and piles to find clean Underoos. I’m just not very good at laundry. I proved this from the get-go.
Michael’s favorite story to tell about my laundry ability was when I left clothes in the washer for three days because I got sidetracked by MTV when we lived in this little studio apartment in downtown Buffalo.
“Mishelle, you have to take the laundry out of the washing machine and dry it, you know, or it doesn’t count,” he sternly stated.
“But, but, but…there was an Unplugged Marathon on MTV!” I exclaimed.
I can still see him shaking his head as he cursed under his breath about the moldy smelling clothes. But, I digress.
Now, that’s not to say that I don’t look forward to the day that we have a pair of those fancy-shmancy duos. Maybe then I’d be motivated to do the laundry chore by myself.
Oh, who am I kidding?
A Wish Granted
When we first moved to Georgia, in 2004, I reached out to a local mom’s group so that I wouldn’t just let myself hide in my air conditioned house watching TV or internetting all day. The “owner” of the group was a woman named Shelly with whom I became fast friends, and with whom I’ve remained friends. We don’t see each other all the time, but that’s all right because we both lead crazy-busy lives.
Yesterday was a special day for Shelly’s middle daughter Mattie. At six months of age it was discovered that Mattie has, what is considered, an orphan syndrome (which is quite rare) called Klippel Feil Syndrome. Along with countless surgeries Mattie has experienced hearing loss, and was recently diagnosed with Mitochondrial Myopathy. With that her body burns a ton of energy, the amount of energy that should be used for her muscles and organs. So she gets tired quicker, especially when she pushes herself too hard; the wheelchair that was once only occasionally used is now used more frequently.
The party was in honor of Mattie having her wish granted by the wonderful Make-A-Wish Foundation. Her wish was to visit Disney World!
Next week Mattie, her parents, and her siblings will be off to Florida to visit the Magic Kingdom.
I was honored when Shelly asked me to document the party, and here are some of my favorites from the day:
“Of all of our inventions for mass communication, pictures still speak the most universally understood language.” —Walt Disney
“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” —Pema Chödrön
Out with sitting still . In with daily movement.
Out with comparing myself to other photographers in the world. In with embracing MY photography and what it does for me.
Out with rushed breath. In is conscious breath.
Out with not focusing on my womanhood. In with allowing myself to be the woman that I am separate from the mother I am.
Out with being all over the place. In with keeping a schedule and being organized. (Good luck to me on this one, for real.)
Out with sedentary beliefs. In with study and cultivation of spirituality.
Out with thinking I am not enough. In with knowing I am.
+++++
Sometimes it’s OK to take the same path to discover something you didn’t see the first time through. I noticed that I had put a quote pertaining to just this on a picture one day. I saw it recently and it has stuck to me this week, as I am trying to do things that I have done before, just a little bit differently.
Yesterday was a prime example: I found myself in a forward fold suddenly seeing spots, my mind was buzzing and I knew I was going to pass out. So I dropped to the floor, closed my eyes, and breathed. I had been there before (so comfortably) in a fold, but never with this feeling. Of course, the workout I had, just minutes before, was the culprit. In the aftermath I realized that I have so much farther to go and so much work to do. It’s OK to fall down on the path, even if you’ve taken it before.
[My] yoga instructor leaves pieces of paper with quotes on them. Today’s quote was “Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.” Oh, how true! I will continue to read this over and over again on my journey. My major fear is failure. Failing to do the right thing, to be the right thing, to live the right thing, to see the right thing, to feel the right thing. I need to remind myself that the failing I fear isn’t really failing, it’s facing a fear, and that I am actually winning every time I do it; regardless of if I fall flat on my face from spotty vision after having pushed myself to the brink. I know myself, and I have to trust that I am enough.
The One Where Coffee and Cookie Crumbs are Metaphors
in one hand
a coffee cup
in the other
a chocolate cookie
deliberately
to be dunked
dreaming
instantly
about
the silky texture
how lusciously soft
my heated elixir
would transform
this crisp cookie
oh
too soon
SPLOOSH
fingers foiled
the cookie
quickly sank
to the bottom of
my favorite mug
the one with the
extra wide handle
for comfort grip
crying out
it did no good
for the cookie
already sunk
to the bottom
waiting to be
fished out by spoon
with a final reward
creamy chocolate crumbs
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