A switch gets flipped and I lose it.  I melt down.  And circuits break.   I hate this about myself.   I hate that I am not perfectly patient.  I hate that, without warning, something can turn me over and break me.  Why is the emotion of anger so hard to have a handle on?

To add insult to injury I want to smile, but I can’t.  I want to say it’s OK, it’ll be OK and just start over.   I want to breathe, but I feel too embarrassed so I just hold my breath.   If only it were as simple as an exhale.  If only there was a rewind.  Maybe I am just a mess of crossed wires and shorted fuses.  Simply stated, though, I want to just reach in and pull out all the strange guts.  Then maybe nothing will be able to flip, get crossed, feel broken.  Then maybe I will be able to exhale.  Maybe then I’ll be able to breathe.

For now acknowledgment will have to do.   I was wrong and I let my emotions take over.  I forgot to step back and my voice boomed with anger.   I yelled and I hate that I yell.   I’m sorry and I hope that I am forgiven.

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5 Responses to “Corrosion”
  1. 01.19.2009

    Oops. I think it happens to the best of us sometimes.

  2. 01.19.2009

    Yep. Me too.

  3. 01.19.2009

    What? you’re human?

    That first picture is gorgeous, the words, could have been mine.

    The rose is wonderful.

  4. 01.19.2009

    oh honey, I am sure you are

  5. 01.22.2009

    I am exactly the same. Quick to anger, and even quicker to embarrassment because of it. But at least we know ourselves. And knowing is half the battle.

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