Picture the Holidays – Day Thirteen

Simply Divine

[The following was written exactly four years ago.  I think it’s appropriate to repost it today. I get chills every time I read it. I hope you do to.  Merry Christmas.]

It’s easy to cry at this time of year.  Easy to cry from happiness, from sadness, with an aching heart, out of loneliness; it’s so easy to be engulfed by varying emotions.  It happens to me every year.  Even more, now that I have my heart, in four pieces, walking around outside of my body.

Last year was very surreal, being pregnant and trying to make the magic happen for the bigger kids.  I was worried about going into labor on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning.  I had talks with them about what would happen if “Dude” were to come on the special day.  They all voiced that it would be a great present to the family if he did come and that we’d just have Christmas in my hospital room.

Sometimes I forget about the wonder that is being a mother.  I forget sometimes because I have to manage the household, give lessons, cook, and just do all the mom things I have to do –most of the time, lately, on my own.  So, I forget, it escapes me that motherhood was given to me.  A precious gift and one that is sacred and most treasured.

The kids have been buzzing about how it’s feeling like Christmas to them.  I, on-the-other-hand, haven’t been feeling it.  Until this evening when the only light in the living room was the light of the tree and mantle.  I felt it. Christmas songs were playing on my laptop and we were singing together.  I looked around at these little pieces of my heart.  These little entities that I care for, day in and day out.  These little beings whom I love with all my heart and whom I give my heart to on a daily basis.  I hope they remember these little moments.  I hope I do, too.

Just as I felt this feelings, I realized that I was smiling. I was feeling Christmas. I was feeling the love that Mary must have felt as she gazed upon her chosen Son.  

And, then, this song came on…

“All soul searchers. Searching for love, love, love.  Love, love, love.  Love love is all around” —Christmas Song, Dave Matthews


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