Posts Tagged: thoughts

My {Favorite} Song

I was recently asked—while I was either experiencing a panic attack or low blood sugar episode or something that was definitely a direct result of my own stupidity—what my favorite song was.   I know the person that was doing the asking was just asking to keep me reeled in during this episode, and while I heard the question I didn’t answer it; I was too busy going through all the song files that my brain could shuffle through, in that state.
The next day I came up with the one song that I always revisit, and I texted the title to my friend.



Come and see
I swear by now I’m playing time against my troubles
I’m coming slow but speeding
Do you wish a dance and while
I’m in the front
The play on time is won
But the difficulty is coming here
I will go in this way
And find my own way out
I won’t tell you to stay
But I’m coming to much more
All at once the ghosts come back
Reeling in you now
What if they came down crushing
Remember when I used to play for
All of the loneliness that nobody
Notices now
I’m begging slow I’m coming here
Only waiting I wanted to stay
I wanted to play,
I wanted to love you
I’m only this far
And only tomorrow leads my way

I’m coming waltzing back and
Moving into your head
Please, I wouldn’t pass this by
I wouldn’t take any more than
What sort of man goes by
I will bring water
Why won’t you ever be glad
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you
Why won’t you run
In the rain and play
Let the tears splash all over you

The words in bold are the reason.
Because when everything gets all Topsy-turvy in this so-called life, when things seem bleak and you breakdown with fists clenched screaming at the sky, when you finally stabilize and see the silver lining on that once dark cloud, when you realize your mistakes to make them right, when you grow on [these] God-blessed days, and when you can ultimately realize who you are and what you can do and why you do everything you do then (THEN!) you realize that you “are only so far and tomorrow leads the way” and that’s when you decide you can “run in the rain and play and let the tears splash all over you”. You are free; you can be yourself, believe in yourself, and move forward.

Out of Focus {In Focus}

Out of Focus In Focus

sometimes you just have to put your thoughts down
without punctuation
without spell check
without grammar policing
for me it’s easier to hear my thoughts when i’m listening to tunes
i just wish it was dark, and that i had some wine
or smoke
then maybe i could put down even more unadulterated thoughts
like the ones where i say i want to splash color on my walls
burnt reds and yellows and blues
thoughts like i want music to play all day
while i dance barefoot
breasts swinging free without the prison that is a bra
thoughts about new sneakers
that have been often thought about
finally on my feet
that feel so perfect and right
thoughts like i want massive shelves
put together to house books about mushrooms, planes, yoga, and trains
thoughts about a photo mosaic wall
made up of a million different picture frames
some bought at the flea market
others bought at the goodwill
and none bought at the conglomerate down the street
and just then i close my eyes and dream about a room that is my own
tiffany blue with a yellow chandelier
an easel and paint and a chair covered in crushed red velvet
with a basket of fruit in the center of the scratched and painted on tabletop
the kind of fruit that begs you to take a bite
no napkins
just fleshy fruit that when bitten drips down your fingers
and chin
just then out of the window the sun glows low through the trees
with a beckoning warmth
that makes you forget that your fingers are sticky
that your face is refreshingly dirty with the juice of the earth
these are the thoughts that are dancing in my head
they are out of focus
in focus

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